I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
