She is in my trunk
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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