this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
