the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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