I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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