Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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