Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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