I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
