why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
