so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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