well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
