i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
