last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
