I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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