found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
