My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
