you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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