All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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