We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
