wake up i wanna do it froggy style
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
