i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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