Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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