which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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