Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
