I wish I could teleport
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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