He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Success! We fucked roommates!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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