Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
