When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
