Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
