I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
