I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
