Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
