no, he came in my armpit
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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