The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
