My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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