Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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