He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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