she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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