While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Enjoy the penises
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
