I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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