This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize