I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize