he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
