is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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