ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
