I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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