guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
