i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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