I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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