I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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