Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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