Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
