I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
