I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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