I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
