there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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