Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
