oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
