in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
