We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
