What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
