your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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