I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
All the doctor said was why
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
