Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
