it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
