Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize