Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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