When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
