so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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