I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
