Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
